he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
