I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I touched a dick in church today
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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