so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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