Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
