oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
