He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
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He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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