Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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