I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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