i think my tv is drunk
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
