Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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