I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
