I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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