you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
