He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
