so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
