D3 body, D1 cock
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
