: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
