I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
