I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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