and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
