I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
