Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
