I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
