Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
don't judge my taste in strippers
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
