Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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