Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
