I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
