TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
