Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
