I wish they made helmets for livers.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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