Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize