I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm getting married
To pizza
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
