Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
