Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i was born a porn star she said
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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