dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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