Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
