I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
