Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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