i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
