carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
