you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
