just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
