I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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