i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
