alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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