she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
