If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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