Your face is a jimmy john
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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