i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
