marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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