We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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