those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
