i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
