Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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