I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Of course I have a pirate flag
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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