last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize