Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
