Dual....:-)
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
