did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
