he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
