Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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