Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
