My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
