On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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