I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
