in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
