when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
