I just saw a hot homeless man
false alarm. still invincible.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
