For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
