Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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