Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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