so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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