In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
