Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
handjob tips. give me some.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
