Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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