So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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