i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
