He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
