when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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