I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I didn't notice because vodka
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
