I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
