I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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