My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
