And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
